If you like Pina Coladas…

Do you likey?

I like getting caught in the rain as well.

Yah,  if you have the Pina Colada song* in your head now, you eventually were going to have it there anyway so don’t blame me. Try writing an article about testing it and see if you can handle that!  I am starting to remix it in my brain at this point. Don’t fret, if you drink enough of these you will end up looking up the lyrics and realizing how that “love” song is extremely disturbing relationship-wise but continue to sing it anyway.  Anyway, I like Piña Coladas.

I am very particular on what a Piña Colada tastes like. More important, I am particular what it feels like. Usually when I get one, it is a twelve dollar drink on some beach in Miami, 15 grams of fat, goes down the hatch quicker than a New York minute and worth every penny. It then is burned into your brain as an awesome experience similar to that slushy you had at the state fair when you were a kid. If it wasn’t so bad for me I would drink them at least once a day as I prefer pineapples over apples any day.

I have tried five times and have finally found the perfect texture. I looked up recipes and the ingredients were pretty easy to get down but the texture was causing me serious trouble. I researched a ton of recipes and found there are really just four parts that needed to be adjusted. Rum, pineapple, coconut and ice.

COCONUT: The first recipe I tried called for coconut milk and cream of coconut. I found the coconut milk to be a weird texture but made it creamy. I liked the cream of coconut (found in the liquor isle) as it was sweet and easy to store in the fridge as it has a shelf life of eternity. Coconut milk isn’t good for long term storage and you don’t use enough to really merit buying it. As I don’t understand it that much as a product, after two weeks it became questionable if I should use it? Who wants to get coconut milk poisoning? Eliminated.

RUM: I used light and dark rum and really liked the blend.  I didn’t even try any other way as it was tasty. The second batch I doubled the rum and it was too strong. My boyfriend liked it stronger, so this is to taste if you want to make it Pirate Style with more rum. I decided on 1 1/2 oz per batch.

PINEAPPLE: When I was in Costa Rica in beautiful Manuel Antonio at the hotel Si Como No, I had the best Pina colada (or six) I have had in my life.  It was made using real pineapples, probably from their neighbor’s yard or something. Most recipes called for pineapple juice over real pineapple. Fooey. I knew I wanted to use real pineapple but was open to change as I forgot to buy some on recipe 3.  It was not as tasty but drinkable. On recipe 1, I just put pineapples in the blender and no juice. I took a lot and was good but it could be quite an expensive drink. Unless you live in a place where they have so many pineapples they leave them on your porch at night this may not be an option. I decided on a blend of both pineapple and preferably a pineapple coconut or unsweetened pineapple juice as it doesn’t need it! The pineapple coconut juice was in the juice isle with the organic juices and fancy stuff.

Rum and ice cream machine are friends.

ICE: I tried using ice for the first four recipes and by the time I ran it through the blender it just was not right. Too much ice and it made it too watery after the ice melts. It melts fast! It tasted good but I wanted to feel the beach moment again. I tried putting everything in the fridge, but it still didn’t work. After talking to a Tiki master who simply stated I would “know when I got the right consistency” I made a joke about buying one of those fancy Slurpee machines. Eureka! It hit me! Ice cream maker! I stalked Ebay and for about $50 I was the owner of a brand new ice cream maker. It worked perfectly. This is also a dangerous machine because you start to realize you can make LOTS of adult drinks in it. Move over George Foreman grill, this is the new black of must have machines.

If you don’t want to buy this machine, you can always just put it in the blender. Blend everything in a blender,  transfer to a plastic container you can pop it out of (large yogurt containers work well), freeze it until solid, thaw for about 1/2 hour and then put it back in the blender to mix it up . Ice just messes it up so avoid it.

RECIPE – Makes 3-4 drinks or 1 if you are a piggy – no shame, just sayin’:

  • Mix the following: 1 cup of pureed pineapple. Put it in a blender and pulse until it is like baby food or more. You don’t want it too chunky as the fruit will freeze when you put it in the machine. If you want to serve it with straws, then puree fine enough for it to go through a straw. I suggest getting big straws so you can use coconut too!
  • 1 cup of pineapple juice or pineapple and coconut juice
  • 1 1/2 ounces of dark or gold rum and 1 1/2 ounces of light rum. You don’t have to use fancy rum but the higher quality the better
  • 3 oz of cream of coconut. You can find this at the grocery store usually by the liquor

You can watch it freeze!

OPTIONAL: If you do NOT plan on drinking through a straw, add 1/4 of finely chopped sweetened coconut. You can find this in the baking isle. You could use unsweetened too but sweeter is more deliciousness!

Follow the directions on the ice cream machine and run it for 15-20 minutes depending on how thick you want it. 20 minutes it was like soft serve ice cream. It will continue to freeze so don’t assume it won’t because of the booze.  If you want to make some additional batches ahead of time for more people do so and allow to thaw in the fridge for about 15 minutes then stick it in a blender to reconstitute. I froze mine for two additional days and left it out on the counter and it thawed to quickly around the edges.

*note hilarious video to watch after you read my awesome article


About lunargrrl

I am a chef by nature, a weight watching dieter by protest. This blog does not apply to those rules, naturally. View all posts by lunargrrl

3 responses to “If you like Pina Coladas…

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